A letter to my brother.

I'm so tired. It's exhausting feeling so much things, and such a big range of emotions in a day. I wish I knew how to stop it. It's getting really hard, it's hard to breathe. I can stare at the ceiling for hours and bring myself to tears. I don't know if I am a lover of life or if I want it to end. I love too much and hate too often. I love to close my eyes and smile, but I find pleasure in crawling up and crying. I don't know what it's like to get on anymore. The little things that used to make me smile don't seem to phase me like they used to. Is this how you felt? I always get scared because we were so similar, and it breaks my heart whenever I dream of you. You were one of the greatest people I knew, so brutally honest and such a dreamer. I always looked up to you, you influenced me more than you ever knew. I wish I could look in your eyes and say thank you and ask you the things I still don't know the answers to. The truth is, I'm so scared. I want to be strong, just so I could fight whatever this is for the both of us. I don't know why you left, but I'm sure I can understand... because sometimes I want to leave too. I wish you were here to see me grow up, to tell me that you understand how I feel. I fell in love and I wish you saw, you guys would've gotten along. I sometimes think of what it would be like if you two met, and I know the house would've been a wreck if you two were ever here together. I know you would've beaten him up when he hurt me, and I wish I was given the opportunity to stop you. I miss you. I feel guilty sometimes because I forget about what happened, i felt bad because I thought I got over it so easily, but I guess now I'm starting to realize that i'm not over it. Out of everyone I know, I think you're the only person who would even understand what it's like for me right now, but i'll get through it. I'm gonna fight it for me and you since we're the same people. I love you.

Watch over me always,

Michelle