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I'm sorry... I'm sorry I made you believe you weren't good enough and that you had to prove yourself otherwise. I'm sorry I starved you and I'm sorry that I left you with scars.. I'm sorry for making you think that everything that has happened to you was your fault and I'm especially sorry because you truly believe it now. I hope you learn to love yourself and be thankful for everything you have, because it's more than enough. It's unfortunate you had to go through so much and hurt so badly in the process. I hope you learn to believe others when they tell you they love you and truly care for you. I pray that you learn to forgive those who have hurt you... including yourself. Please never forget that kindness and respect is a minimum, no matter who you're facing. Never stop being the courageous and kind-hearted girl that you are. Don't ever feel guilty for being the way you are and feeling what you feel. Don't lose hope in the world, because I promise it actually is beautiful, despite what it may seem. Work hard and accomplish what you know you can do, and do it for nobody but YOURSELF. Stop dwelling on the hurtful past because you are stronger than what anybody makes you seem. People will sometimes hurt you, learn to accept it, but don't seek revenge. Please never find pleasure in making others suffer because you are better than that. Stay kind, don't be dragged down, things will look up... they have to.

A letter to my brother.

I'm so tired. It's exhausting feeling so much things, and such a big range of emotions in a day. I wish I knew how to stop it. It's getting really hard, it's hard to breathe. I can stare at the ceiling for hours and bring myself to tears. I don't know if I am a lover of life or if I want it to end. I love too much and hate too often. I love to close my eyes and smile, but I find pleasure in crawling up and crying. I don't know what it's like to get on anymore. The little things that used to make me smile don't seem to phase me like they used to. Is this how you felt? I always get scared because we were so similar, and it breaks my heart whenever I dream of you. You were one of the greatest people I knew, so brutally honest and such a dreamer. I always looked up to you, you influenced me more than you ever knew. I wish I could look in your eyes and say thank you and ask you the things I still don't know the answers to. The truth is, I'm so scared. I want to be strong, just so I could fight whatever this is for the both of us. I don't know why you left, but I'm sure I can understand... because sometimes I want to leave too. I wish you were here to see me grow up, to tell me that you understand how I feel. I fell in love and I wish you saw, you guys would've gotten along. I sometimes think of what it would be like if you two met, and I know the house would've been a wreck if you two were ever here together. I know you would've beaten him up when he hurt me, and I wish I was given the opportunity to stop you. I miss you. I feel guilty sometimes because I forget about what happened, i felt bad because I thought I got over it so easily, but I guess now I'm starting to realize that i'm not over it. Out of everyone I know, I think you're the only person who would even understand what it's like for me right now, but i'll get through it. I'm gonna fight it for me and you since we're the same people. I love you.

Watch over me always,

Michelle

Lee Price on Emotional Eating

I recently came across these self-portrait paintings by Lee Price depicting her struggle with her secret-binge eating, opening up the topic of women's attitudes and relationships towards food. In a series of photographic paintings, which has taken her 7 years to produce, she features herself in secret binge-eating episodes, which is seen in very real and existing eating disorders. Through her paintings she explores the obsession many of us have with food.

Emotional eating is something many people struggle with, not just females. Lee Price's paintings cover the shame and compulsiveness that comes with emotional eating. We have been taught to use food as a comforting mechanism, as a way to deal with the stressors we face in our daily lives. 

I'm happy that I came across these paintings, as I can relate very well to them. I've struggled with bouts of binge eating, there are times where I feel stressed so I reach for a pint of ice cream without even thinking about it.. next thing you know I've downed the entire pint, plus a couple bag of chips and some cookies from my pantry. Physically, I feel overwhelmingly full, but I'm still craving a slice of pizza or something. I know I'm engaging in compulsive behaviour, but at the same time... I am unable to stop myself. 

"I use food as a metaphor for the ways we distract ourselves from being present, There is an absurdity to the repetition of this act of compulsion. At the same time it is an attempt to find real nourishment" 

Lee Price

When it comes down to our relationship with food, it's important to be mindful. We use food as a way to escape our problems momentarily. We aren't really dealing with our problems, but rather "taking a break" from them.  "The women in my paintings are seeking a place of solace. They are looking for a reacquaintance with joy. They are searching for the lusciousness of life," - Lee Price

{Via: The Daily Beast, MUI PR, Refinery 29 Photos: Lee Price Studio }

Honey Coconut Macaroons

I've gotten a lot of bad news this week, and everybody who knows me knows that I like to eat when I'm stressed or upset.. especially carbs, which is probably a really bad thing since I was diagnosed with SIBO. Knowing that all my stress and heartbreak is going to stick with me a little bit longer, I had to find another way to cure my cravings without taking in too much carbs, because there is no way these cravings are going away anytime soon.

I decided to whip up some Coconut Macaroons, because.. 1. They're so easy, 2. I had a bunch of shredded coconut in my pantry, 3. These macaroons are a little less sinful than the things I've recently eaten

Ingredients: 3 Large Egg Whites or 6TB, 1/4 cup Honey, 2 1/2 cup shredded coconut, Chocolate Chips (optional), sea salt (optional) Yields 6-8

Directions: Combine egg whites and honey and whisk together, add in optional sea salt and stir in coconut shreds, place mixture in fridge for 1/2 hour. After chilling, take an ice cream scoop and fill with batter, release batter onto parchment paper lined baking dish. Bake at 350 for 15 minutes, rotating dish halfway through. Ensure macaroons are golden brown before taking it out of the oven. Let it cool for 1/2 hour before devouring. You can also melt some chocolate and drizzle over your macaroons like I did!

Enjoy this with a cup of tea or coffee, you'll thank me.

x Michelle 

Tiny Tea by Your Tea Review.

I. Love. This. Stuff. It's amazing. If you haven't heard about the teatox craze that's going on.. then idk you must be in a world with no media or technology whatsoever.. aka under a rock. Your Tea was kind and generous enough to send me a 14-day teatox package to try out and review, and I'm super glad they did.

Before I get started, if you think that drinking this tea will magically make you skinny without a clean diet or exercise, then i'm sorry to say that tiny tea is not that and if it was, the world would run out of tiny tea.                                                                          

So, here goes my review..

Coconut flour Waffles ♥

Ever since me and my mom bought a waffle maker.. I swear I've been having waffles for Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner. There's no rule saying that you can only have waffles in the morning, especially these ones because they're grain-free, gluten free, low-cal and low carb.. so these waffles are completely guilt-free!

So after buying the waffle maker, me and my mom also picked up instant waffle mix, but we all know that if you eat that stuff on the regs.. bad things will happen... so I adapted this recipe from Foodie Fiasco (who is my fave food blogger btw) and added a few extras to suit my tastebuds.

Ingredients: 

3 Egg Whites (Approx. 6 Tbs)

2 Tbs Coconut Flour

2 Tbs Unsweetened Almond Milk or Non-Dairy Milk

1/2 Tsp Baking Powder

1 Tsp PB2 or Stevia (optional)

Dash of Cinnamon

Directions:

Whisk 2 egg whites until they become super foamy, feel free to use an egg beater but I decided to whisk it myself for a bonus arm workout. Once it's foamy, add in the coconut flour, milk, baking powder, the last egg white and your optional ingredients. Pre-heat your waffle maker to the highest temp and pour in the batter, and cook it until your waffle maker says its ready! For those who like extra crispy waffles, like me.. I decided to put my waffle in the toaster for about 3 minutes.

What you decide to do next is completely up to you, I topped mine with hot PB (of course), stewed raspberries and blueberries... Then I turned into a monster and devoured that thing, but nobody was watching, so it's ok.

Happy Munching!

x Michelle 

Summer Wishlist: Vertty

I stumbled across Vertty while browsing about Instagram .. and I thought it was a pretty cool looking beach towel, but then I decided to visit their webpage  and realized this sh*t is so much more than a beach towel.. I don't know how people come up with this stuff. Basically, if all of us regular people were all beach towels.. Vertty would be some sort of superman beach towel. 

Vertty has a unique design that features a fast-drying material, this thing even has waterproof pockets for your valuables. It's also somehow lighter-weight and larger in size. You can choose from a variety of stand out colours, and it's geometric shape just puts all other ordinary and boring beach towels to shame.

I'm somehow convinced that I NEED this towel, and once I get it this will be me and my bikini body in-progress all summer long. 

x Michelle

{via: Vertty | Photos: Verrty Pinterest}